


Be Homosexual, Commit Regicide

by Gues



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon)
Genre: Blood, F/M, M/M, acid burn, i make the boys suffer while the 7k varigo chat claps in the bg, just gore in general, so um things to watch out for!, someone asked me to post this so here ya go, stab wounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:07:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28699647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gues/pseuds/Gues
Summary: an unedited discord ramble i went on about hugo joining varian post qfad from 11pm to 1pm (with a 4 hour nap in between). have fun.
Relationships: Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider/Rapunzel, Hugo/Varian (Disney: Varian and the Seven Kingdoms)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 50





	Be Homosexual, Commit Regicide

Anyways uh basically you know that one art by ummm dr.chalk i think. Where hugo breaks in to steal something from old corona, you know, since its abandoned, and finds varian post qfad?

so when I was writing this i was thinking maybe hugo sees varian in the middle of that breakdown, he’s kind of you know, contemplating just sprinting out but then he sees the fucking body suspended in amber and decides ok i gotta help this dude out

He apologizes for breaking into his house, takes a few cautious steps forward and kneels down to meet his level. Varian tells him to leave, quietly.

So he tells him to leave, hugo moves closer instead. He sees how the boy’s shaking, how he looks like he’s been out in that storm too, honestly, worse off than he was.  
So yeah um. Hugo ends up staying longer than he thought he would lmao

Hugo forces varian to take a god damn nap and sleep off the sickness and takes that time to snoop around the house, figure out the situation. He happens upon quirin’s room, opens the chest, and swipes the graphtyc, sticking it in his bag for later use.

He then spends the next few days wrestling varian into staying in bed while he does research on the scroll. Eventually when Varian is doing a bit better he shows it to him and they work on it together. Hugo having to occasionally make sure Varian isnt pushing himself too hard. (He puts the tarp over Quirin because he knows it bothers him)

Another few days pass and trouble hits. Guards bang on the door before straight up just kicking it down. Hugo runs away on reflex, pulling Varian away and hiding the both of them in the cellar beneath Varian’s lab

The guards ramsack the lab, tearing it apart as though they were looking for something, Varian makes a move to go up but Hugo stop him before he can open the latch. 

“We dont know what they’re here for.” He says in a whisper, slowly pulling Varian back and waiting for the guards to leave

Once there’s a long enough period of silence Hugo cautiously lifts the latch and peaks above the cellar. The entire lab is destroyed. He steps up, helping Varian up as well and sneaks over to the entrance, listening in on the raging conversation happening outside

“How the hell can one stupid scroll be so hard to find! We tore that place apart it should have been there!” One guard complained, Hugo made note of the masks they all wore. 

“Lets check the main house. It could be in there.” The other said calmly. 

“Fine, fine. More searching. I dont know why we have to go through all this effort for some paper with a flower drawn on it.”

Hugo takes a step back, holding tight to his bag, scroll safely tucked away inside. He looks back to Varian, runs over to him, grabs his wrist, and pulls him back down to the cellar. 

“Hey, what are you?—“ 

“We have to get out of here.” 

“Why? Why are they here?” 

“The scroll. Is there a way out from the cellar?” 

Varian glances down to Hugo’s bag, then back up to him. “Yeah, I’ll show you.”

So im not sure how to write this out but hugo and varian spend the next three months on the run. The guards figure out that someone, that someone they assume to be varian, took it, and chase after them.

Varian insists they contact the princess, she said she’d be willing to help him with the black rocks, they could use her authority to get the guards of their asses. Hugo’s never been one to trust royalty, but Varian really seems to trust her, so he agrees to go along with it

Varian sends a letter via lantern to the princess explaining the situation(also maybe gushing a little bit about hugo) and asking for her assistance. They decide to hide a little closer to old corona, using one of the abandoned houses for a hideout while they waited for the princess to show up

When she does, its with cassandra and eugene. Hugo scouts them out while they make there way there. Listening in on their conversation to see if they really are worth trusting. They’re all...joking. None of them seemed concerned at all, they see a black spike in the road and rapunzel frowns, but they hardly seem to notice it outside of that, or at least, they dont care

Hugo runs back to where they were hiding, and when Varian sees Rapunzel enter the village he stops him from running over to her. He says he doesnt want to risk them being caught by the soldiers, which he doesnt, but he also wants to wait and see how they react to the full situation.

They follow them, staying out of sight as the trio make their way to Varian’s lab. The two peer though a window and watch. Hugo wouldnt say he was surprised when the only one who reacted to Quirin was rapunzel, and that she didnt so much as mention varian in her concerns. He glanced over to him, saw the frightened look in his eyes, and slowly pulled him away from the scene

Lucky for them, that was the right move. The guards banged down the lab’s door, having heard the commotion. Varian and Hugo were long gone by the time the group made it outside

Varian’s having a second crisis. He has the realization that Rapunzel lied to him. She said she wished she never touched the rocks, never once saying she’d fix the problem, only that she wished it wouldnt exist. Hugo helps him through it, wiping the tears that streamed down his face and offering what words of comfort he could muster

Varian doesnt know what to do now. Without the princess’s help, how could he save his father? What was left for him to do? What could he do?

So im having varian’s villain arc go a bit slower, since he has emotional support. So instead of him making the truth serum hugo does it behind his back and sneaks into the castle kitchens to lace it into everyone’s food. He wants to make sure there’s a solid enough distraction. He doesnt want to take any risks here

Varian practically begs hugo to give rapunzel one last chance, to enlist her help getting the sundrop. Hugo agrees, so long as he’s with him, and because the princess would be able to have easy access to the royal vault

So the plot of TAR goes with hugo there this time. Being... basically just me giving criticism to the show’s lack of logic, asking why they have to sneak around and steal if its her property, ask why she thinks treason applies to her and not just them, ask if she really cares about corona

Rapunzel’s comments about putting corona first, her insistence they shouldnt be doing this, it starts to get to him. It was like she was... complaining. Here they were, risking there necks on the slim chance they could save his father, and she thought they were being selfish?

He tells her he’s more worried about his dad at the moment, bringing that issue back to light to see if she’d realize the stakes. Instead...she again asks him if he cares about corona. What did that even mean? Why ask that? “Why is it our job to give a shit about this country? Its yours. Stop sucking so bad and forcing the rest of us to pick up the slack.” Hugo snaps. Shocking both varian and rapunzel

Varian looks at him, wide eyed, as if the mere notion of talking back to her might get them killed, it probably would, but they were well past that point of putting their lives at risk. Rapunzel snaps her mouth shut, glares at him and keeps walking. Hugo takes the lead, and rapunzel takes that opportunity to try and talk to varian.

She asks him if she’s sure he can trust him, hugo’s been suspicious ever since they started this treck to the vault, and she doesn’t think he has his best interests at heart.

This is the point where Varian finally gives up on her. After all this, after everything hugo has sacrificed for him, she had the nerve to say he didnt care about him? After she wouldnt so much as even think about him or his father if it didnt involve her?

So the automaton thing goes down and hugo and varian both take a mental note of its mechanisms, lowkey bonding over being demanitus fanboys. And all going up to the vault when its defeated. When all is said and done, Varian is still the one to take the sundrop

Rapunzel admonishes Varian for the action, saying he told her he didnt need the whole flower. 

“How do I know thatll be enough? How do I know I can trust you to help me if I needed more than the one petal?” 

hugo gay panicking over seeing varian so pissed off

“You lied.” She says simply, as though that were far worse than any of the lies she told him. 

“I was telling the truth. The situation changed. Well, you changed.” He paused. “Or were you always like this?”

“What? Varian what do you mean—“ 

“I trusted you! For so long I believed you would be there for me, that you cared about me. After all this, I don’t think I can anymore.” 

Guards started banging down the door. They’d caught onto Hugo’s scheme. Damnit. He made a move to pull Varian away, but rapunzel grabbed Varian’s wrist before he could. 

“Varian, please, I promise I’ll help you with your father, ill help with the rocks, everything, just... please don’t do this.” 

Hugo put a hand on his shoulder and said softly “we need to get out of here.”

Varian shut his eyes, sighed, nodded, then look back at Rapunzel, ripping his hand from her grip. “I know firsthand how well you keep your promises.” 

The door is kicked open, guards swarm in, hugo throws down a smoke bomb and the two race off before they’re caught

They get out of the castle, going through the tunnels, then through alleyways in the capital till they make it across the bridge and into the woods. They only stop running when they reach the lab

They take a second to catch their breath, hugo starts to ask if Varian is ok after all that, but he doesnt answer, instead opening the door and walking inside

Varian takes the flower from his bag, grinds it into paste, and pours it onto a drill. Hugo stays quiet, watching him work, he’s learned when to jump in and stop him, and when to hang back, now was the latter.

He presses the drill into the amber, the loud shrill of metal against the rock piercing their ears. He drilled, and drilled and drilled but the rock showed no difference, instead the drill tore itself apart

“No!” Varian slammed his hands onto the metal and shoved it away. “No no no that had to work! That should have worked!” 

Hugo walked over to him. “Goggles, we can try something else—“ 

“No! That was it! That was our one shot at fixing everything and we failed! I failed!” 

“No, come on you didn’t fail. I’m sure there’s something else—“ 

“What?! What else could the possibly be?!” 

Hugo grabbed both Varian’s hands, keeping him still and moving them down. “We’ll figure it out.” 

“We did all of that, for nothing. She hates me, and it was all for nothing.”

Varian’s hands start to shake, he’s not longer fighting against Hugo’s grip. He leans into him, pressing his head against Hugo’s chest. “I can’t believe I did that. I— I can’t believe I said that to her. I don’t know if I could ever make it up to her—“ 

“No.” Hugo says firmly, pushing varian away gently and putting his hands on his shoulders. “You don’t have to do shit for her. You had every right to do that, and you had every right to tell her off like that.” 

“But she was just trying to help—“

“Yeah! Herself! That’s just how rich people are! They only ever care how things effect them.” Hugo gave Varian’s shoulders a quick squeeze and let him go. “God I wish I could just shave her stupid head and burn that hair to ash. Its the only damn thing that makes her special in everyone’s eyes. She doesnt deserve that adoration just for having magic hair.”

“Wait...” Varian’s eyes go wide. “That’s it! Hugo you genius!”

“Why thank you— wait why am I a genius?” 

“Her hair!! The sundrop’s power isnt in the flower anymore. It’s in her!”

“So. Are we just going to princess-nap her or...?”

“No, that’d be too obvious.” 

“Then what do you have in mind?” 

Varian smiled. “Oh, I have a few ideas.”

So literally the next part is varian going full on strategist and hugo giving heart eyes the entire time

Plot goes the same as canon, with the added bonus of having a second pair of hands to build all those automatons(also they have an automaton instead of beast ruddiger because yikes ok thats just a thing that s3 is going to pretend isnt the only fucked thing varian ever did). Hugo gets to give the speech while varian kidnaps the queen, he gets really into it

He also insults both the princess and king several times. He plays announcer over the fight like a baseball game, still insulting the royal family

Once varian signals he has the queen hugo slips out and the two of them dump her in a fucking cart and make their way back to old corona

So yeah follows plot as canon, except when arianna says “and after you’ve saved your father?” Hugo just verbally beats her to death. 

Arianna goes uno reverse card verbal smackdown on him, hugo has like, familial gay panic Mom Edition, and arianna decides she’s about to be gay and do crime herself.

Fred and Rapunzel show up, ready to free her, but instead see her free and very pissed

Arianna starts to tell them off, Fred responds be getting straight up pissed at her for even daring to side with these monsters. It gets into this huge fight, rapunzel just standing back and watching, not siding with either of them, though she stands closer to her father, and glares at her mother.

Fred makes a move to grab her. Hugo acts fast, pushing Arianna back and throwing down a goo bomb to keep fred stuck in one place. Rapunzel and him are shocked(hugo and varian just now revealed themselves), and Varian decides peace isnt a god damn option

He takes a vial of the amber solution and holds it in front of one of the black rocks at the king’s feet. He turns to Rapunzel. “Either you help free my father, or your’s will meet the same fate.”

Rapunzel makes a move to attack him instead, Hugo races over, grabs her arm and twists it before she can land the hit, keeping her from fighting. Varian slowly starts to pour the solution. He tries to hide how sick he feels seeing the crystal grow

“Wait!” Rapunzel yells, pulling against Hugo’s grip. “I’ll do it! I’ll do it.” Varian smiled. “Good. I’ll let him go once my father is free.” Varian looked over to hugo, silently motioning for him to let her go so he could get her up to the machine. He twisted her hair into it, sucked in a breath, and started to drill.

Surprise surprise! It doesnt work. Fred manages to grab the solution from a nearby desk and free himself. And varian has his 31st mental breakdown of the week

Hugo tries to convince him to leave, but this time, he’s deadset on staying. He’s completely given up on everything, and is content digging himself in as deep a hole as he can go. When the family looks back to see where they are, they’re both gone

Theym tag-teaming a giant robot to crush freddy to death

Rapunzel magic ex machina’s her way out of this mess, sadly. And hugo makes a move to get them out, but considering there’s for some reason an army waiting for them, they cant get away. They get booted to gay baby jail

They separate them. They dont want the two working together. hugo’s in a different block. Varians in a cell with you know who

Andrew very much takes advantage of Varian’s situation. He’s panicked, worried about Hugo, not really doing well. He pretends to comfort him, says he understands his situation, and he’d be willing to help him out

Varian’s scared to trust again. After everyone else leaving him like this, how could he blindly believe him like this? But...then again, he didnt have to do this. Andrew was helping him, and he didnt seem to be doing it for himself. He trusted Hugo, he didnt have Hugo right now, maybe he could give andrew a chance

Also quick angst: varian and hugo individually get pulled out of their cells to get the shit beat out of them for what they did and anytime it happens the other person can hear them screaming, so you know, separation anxiety

Varian slowly starts trusting Andrew after incidents such as this. Andrew comforts him after it, he even helps him with the injuries, popping his nose back in place one time when it was broken. A few months in, when andrew tells hum he plans to break out, varian jumps at the chance, so long as hugo goes with them

They do break out, varian very much makes sure that hugo comes with them when they do, and when they reach the throne room and andrew suggests murder of the royal family, while they’re chill when it comes to the king, they’re not so chill when it comes to the queen

Lucky for them one of andrew’s friends has that handy dandy memory wand they used to wipe some of the guards memories, and they propose an alternate plan

Hugo immediately thinks andrew is sus as all hell, and says they should just get outta dodge before things go to shit, but varian trusts him, almost to the same extreme he trusts hugo which he pretends he isnt slightly hurt by, and he doubts he’d be able to convince him to leave. The guy gets attached to people fast, he hates it, but there’s nothing he can do

So they stay. And when andrew enlists their help making things for him, they do. When Andrews demeanor shifts, when he stops acting nice, varian ignores it, so they stay

Hugo starts planning to convince varian to get out, dropping hints to him, telling him the things he’s seen andrew do when varian’s not looking(he said no one would get hurt, but hugo knew the man wasn’t true to his word). Andrew catches on to this, and decides to deal with the problem himself

He pulls hugo aside while him and varian are working, outside the lab where he cant hear them talking, and slams his fist into the wall, inches from hugo’s face. 

“What are you planning, buddy?”

“Me? Oh— oh um,” Hugo gulps, he was usually the tallest person in the room, but andrew practically towered over him. “Im not planning anything.”

“So I was just...hearing things when I heard you say you should pack your bags and get the hell out of dodge?” Andrew tilts his head, framing the question in an innocent manner, one hand on hugo’s shoulder. But it was too close to his neck, his grip was too tight, his eyes were sinister 

“Yup! We’re not going anywhere.” 

“Good.” Andrew squeezed his shoulder tighter, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. “Wouldn’t want to risk getting yourselves killed now do you?” 

Hugo’s eyes went wide. “No. No we wouldn’t.”

Andrew smiled and let him go. “Glad that’s settled! Why dont you get back to work.” 

He walks off, hugo stops trying to convince varian to leave

Andrew finds hugo can be kept quiet with a simple threat on his life, though, he found threatening Varian’s was easier. Varian, however, was growing to be a problem. He wasn’t stupid. He’d been starting to catch on to what he was doing, he’d seen the way hugo looks at andrew, how terrified he was, he’d never seen hugo so scared before, he’d never seen hugo scared at all

Andrew thinks back to their days in prison, how often varian would talk about hugo, how much he wanted to see him, how much it tore him up inside not to be there to protect him when he’d hear him being hurt. He smiles, walks inside their lab, and knocks them out

They wake up in a cold stone room, similar to the ones they’d been jailed in, but with a thick metal door in place of bars. It was dark, neither of them could see all the much, or make anything out. They let their eyes adjust and look around, they were both alone.

“Glad to see you’re awake.” Andrew said with a smile, peering in through the metal door’s window, the only light varian could get. “You put this on yourself you know. This is just a taste of what I could do to you, the both of you, if you decide to go against me.”

“Both?” Varian stands up and runs over to the door. “Both? Where’s Hugo? Andrew please tell me where he is!” 

“Nope. See you in a few days, maybe then you’ll change your minds.”

Hugo doesnt get the pleasure of a visit. He doesnt get an explanation. He hears andrew talking down the hall, words he cant make out, then he hears varian scream. Yelling for him, begging to know he’s ok, he hears andrew’s laughter echoing all around him, suffocating him, and when he hears varian cry, he starts to cry as well.

‘He can't call out do they have him gagged or something?’ Idk bro im just vibing here if you want him gagged then sure

Three days pass. The only visit either of them get is Andrew slipping them water in the morning while they’re asleep. At one point hugo bangs against the door, if only to let varian know he’s alive, he doesnt know if it helps at all, but its worth a shot. He cant hear varian anymore, the most noise being the occasional choked back sob, followed by silence

Andrew shows up, after that third day, he walks up to varian’s cell, opens the door, and is shocked to find varian’s reaction is to sprint over and hug him. 

“Please tell me he’s ok.” Varian pulled away immediately, slightly shocked himself that was the reaction he had. 

“Have you learned you lesson?” 

Varian nodded slowly. 

“Yeah your boyfriend’s fine, come on.”

When they get to hugo’s cell, after andrew unlocks the door, varian slams himself into hugo, hugging him tight, hot, wet tears streaming down his face. He sees the gag, rips it off, and dares not comment on it. Hugo slowly hugs him back. 

“You ok Goggles?” He asks weakly, voice scratchy from lack of use. 

“Fine, I’m fine. Are you ok?”

Hugo nods. Varian hugs him tighter.

The two are silent making their way back to their lab, andrew slides a quick joke about how latched onto eachother they are now, each holding the other’s hand like its a lifeline. They wince at the comment, but don’t reply, either they were too tired to, or too scared.

Neither of them fight andrew anymore. Not so much as a simple jab or remark at him, it was refreshing, andrew felt like he could finally stop worrying about them stabbing him in the god damn back. 

It was a bit boring though, hed have to admit. They were quiet. He’d give an assignment, theyd nod, listen, and go through with it. He knew they did talk, he’d hear it on his way in, but it was only ever to eachother, never to him, not unless they had to

Now we’ve gotten to RR!! Wow this is a long ramble sorry about all this. Alright to raps and co show up(minus cass) and andrew quite literally bangs down their door and is like “GUESS WHAT FUCKERS THE PRINCESS IS HERE”

They both have a big oh fuck moment because andrew sucks but rapunzel isnt much better. Andrew drags them out to confront her.

That fight thing happens the same except instead of weird dramatic reveals andrew kicks down the door and tells her to go fuck herself /j

But seriously yeah she keeps insisting varian and hugo are in charge here, which actually pisses andrew off. He goes after her, leaving hugo, varian, and the other saporians to fight off everyone else

Varian and Hugo tag team fight like the sexy bitches they are, eugene and lance never stood a chance. Seriously. They’re gooped up and outta the fight in three seconds flat

Andrew decides the main squad should go boom, and yet again varian has a morality crisis there’s always one weak bitch who isnt down for murder. Andrew pulls the two of them back to their lab before either of them have a chance to protest you know. Blowing people up. And has them work on the memory wipe thingy. Although er. I have some spicy hot takes here 

There is no guise that its a memory wipe. Both hugo and varian know its a bomb. They dont know what to do, they dont want the whole kingdom blown to smithereens, but there’s not much they can do right now, andrew has all the power

So anyways raps is an idiot we been knew. She gets tossed in heterosexual rich people jail(its gay baby jail but with a different title because they thought that meant no gay germs /j) and andrew decides to gloat about it

Rapunzel tries to convince hugo and varian to switch sides, which i mean. Honestly girl what are you thinking? Andrew just starts fucking cackling, hugo snaps and tells her off while varian stays silent and takes in her pleas for help.

She’s leaving things out, ignoring important aspects of what she did to them, but varian doesnt care, he doesnt think that matters anymore, the guilt weighing him down, the possibility of thousands of people dead by his hands was too much to bear. 

He sighed, reached inside his pocket, and aimed an acid bomb at Andrew’s face.

Hugo stared at him, silently begging him to take it back before things went to shit, mouth slammed shut. 

“What exactly are you doing?” Andrew laughed. 

“Asking you to step inside that cell.”

Hugo took a step forward. “Varian are you stupid you’re going to get yourself killed—“ 

Varian hesitated, for just a second, glancing back at hugo to question his decision. Andrew took that opportunity to grab varian’s arm, take the bomb from his hand and slam it into his shoulder.

Acid burned through fabric, through skin, blood dripping down his arm. Varian gasped and wheezed, choking back a scream, he didnt want to give andrew the satisfaction, he didnt want to make this worse for hugo. He grabbed his shoulder and staggered back, trying to look away from the injury, he could already feel it, the layers of skin that had melted away. Hugo stood still, shocked, for just a second before he jumped into action.

Hugo took a knife from his pocket and ran toward him, slashing and stabbing at him. He’d land most of his hits, blood starting to stream down Andrew’s face, he always seemed to aim for his face. 

“Damn you! How dare you hurt him!” Hugo said between attacks, he slashed across Andrews chest. “I’ll kill you!” 

Andrew jumped back, his attempts at dodging making the cuts land less deep, but not miss, hugo was almost surprised at how onsided the fight was, that was until andrew grabbed varian’s arm and yanked him in front of him.

Hugo could stop himself in time. His knife went straight across Varian face, a thin red line going across his nose. Hugo dropped the knife and jumped back.

Andrew kept a strong grip on varian’s arm, making sure to keep at least half his hand on the injury, pressing into it, and picked up the knife from the ground. He stood back up and held the knife to Varian’s throat

“Alright, change of plans. You’re going to walk right into that cell, or I’m going to slit his throat. Understand?” Andrew said with a smile. 

Hugo glanced between him and Rapunzel, she looked like she was about to throw up or pass out, maybe both. He took in a shaky breath, and stepped toward Rapunzel’s cell. 

“Atta boy.” Andrew opened the door and kicked Hugo inside, throwing Varian in after him and slamming the bars shut again. “Have fun being blown up!”

Hugo wasted not time looking Varian over, lifting him up and leaning him against the bars. He pushed Varians hair out of his face, staring at the cut. “I’m so sorry.” 

“You’re...you’re ok.” Varian said slowly, vision fading in and out when he glanced over to his shoulder, to the blood dripping down onto the ground. 

Hugo took his jacket off and tore a sleeve, wrapping it around Varian’s shoulder. “Sorry, this is the best I can do for now.” 

Varian hummed in response, eyes slowly slipping shut. Hugo pressed a kiss onto his forehead.

now for raps to ruin everything

“I...I can’t believe he did that.” Rapunzel said finally, breaking the silence that had formed the second Varian fell asleep. “He did that for me.” 

“No.” Hugo spat out. “Not for you. Never for you.” 

Rapunzel slammed her mouth shut, backing away as Hugo stood up and stared her down. 

“This isn’t about you! It never was!” 

“Then what was it about? Why else would he choose to do the right thing?” 

“That wasn’t the right thing! That was the stupid thing! And now he’s hurt because you got into his head that he owed you!”

“He— you both attacked us. You kidnapped my mother, you tried to kill my father! What part of that shouldn’t be made up for?” 

“The part where both you and your father decided they didnt give a shit about their citizens. You endangered our lives, so we endangered yours.” 

“How exactly is that a fair trade? I was going to help with the rocks willingly! At least before you two decided to go off the deep end!” 

“Go off the?— jesus fucking christ how can someone be so wrong so confidently— ALRIGHT, that’s it!” Hugo balled his hands into fists and took a step toward her. He stopped when a hand gently took his wrist.

“Not now.” Varian said at a volume Hugo could barely hear. 

“I dunno we have plenty of time before we’re blown up, I think I could get a few hits in—“ 

“No.” Varian mumbled, though it was slightly firmer than before. 

“Varian you’re being ridiculous. Im not spending my last few moments on this earth kissing her sorry ass—“

Varian slowly, shakily reached into his pocket and pulled out a second acid bomb. “Please. Not now.” 

“Oh.” Hugo kneeled down and took the bomb. “Always one step ahead, huh bluebird?”

Varian smiled and watched as Hugo threw the bomb onto the cell’s lock, wincing slightly at the hiss it made.

“Bing bang boom we’re home free.” Hugo kicked open the door, wrapped varian’s uninjured arm around his shoulder, and helped him up. “Let’s get out of here.”

“Wait! What exactly is Andrew going to do with the memory wipe?” Rapunzel asked, stopping the both of them in their tracks. 

“Yeah um...that’s not what that is.” Hugo said slowly. “Good news is we know how to deactivate it!” 

“Deactivate it? you mean its a bomb?”

“Technically its an explosive gas but yeah lets go with that.” Hugo shrugged. “I should be able to deal with it.”

“I’m coming with you.” Varian muttered.”

“Ha! Yeah, no, you are staying here. You’re not exactly in ‘fighting condition’.”

Rapunzel nodded “He has a point.” 

“Oh so now you care about his wellbeing.”

“I’ve always cared about his wellbeing— Eugene! Lance! I’m so glad you’re both here!” Rapunzel ran up to hug the both of them. 

“Right, yeah.” Eugene’s hand wavered over his sword, but he relaxed when his eyes fell on Varian. “Wow you’ve uh, really been through it, hairstripe.”

Varian groaned in response and slumped his head against Hugo’s shoulder.

“Hello fellow assholes we’re forming a truce. Can one of you look after this idiot while I save the kingdom?” Hugo grinned. 

Eugene raised an eyebrow “Change of heart?” 

“Ew. No. I just don’t want this whole place blown sky high.” 

“Its going to what—“ 

“Eugene, you and me are going to help Hugo deal with Andrew, Lance, can you take care of Varian?” 

“I dont need to be taken care of.” Varian grumbled. 

“Oh? And what would you do if I let go of you?”

“You wouldn’t.” 

Hugo paused. “Damn you caught my bluff.”

“Alright, I’ll be in babysitting duty. You kids have fun.” Lance smiled and walked toward Hugo and Varian, waiting for Hugo to hand him over. 

“I don’t need a babysitter—“ Varian cut himself off when Hugo started to let go, grabbing his hand out of reflex.

Hugo sighed. “I’ll only be gone for a second, alright?” 

Varian nodded and slowly let go of his, letting himself lean against Lance. 

“Alright dorks! Let’s go save a kingdom.” Hugo gave a quick salute and ran off out of the prison, eugene and rapunzel following behind him

“You two seem close.” Lance said after a few minutes of silence.

Varian nodded. 

“Are you two like...a thing or...?” 

Varian choked.

“So I’m taking that as a...no but you wish it were yes.” 

Varian started coughing. “Y-yeah...” 

“Ah! He speaks! Do I win a prize?”

“No.” 

“Damn. And here I thought I was getting through to you or something.”

“What?” “

You know, like how you’ve been quiet and closed off to everyone but edgy glasses boy over there, thought maybe I did something here.” 

“Oh.”

“Well, you’re still being quiet, but I guess getting one word responses is a start.” Lance shrugged. “I’ll take what I can get.” 

“...what’s your angle?” 

“Oooo three words. Fun. And I don’t have an angle.” 

Varian narrowed his eyes. 

“Really, I don’t! I just wanted you to get some social interaction with normal people that don’t react to mild inconveniences by stabbing things.” 

He snorted.

“Oh!! A laugh! That has got to get a prize.” 

“What would the prize even be?” 

“I dunno. I would very much like to know what the thing is between you two.” 

“Nope.” 

“Damn. I suppose I will walk away prize-less, my fruitless endeavors a testament to my failure of a life as the easy-going funny man, friend to all.”

“Hmph.” Varian’s head fell forward slightly. “Too bad.”

“You alright kid?” Lance looked down, watching Varian’s eyes slide open and shut. “You don’t have a concussion, do you?” 

Varian shook his head. 

“Alright, then take a nap. You’ve more than earned it.” 

Varian hummed, head slumped down again Lance’s arm, eyes sliding completely shut.

Alright so sexy sexy cut over to andrew’s ship. Hugo, Eugene, and Rapunzel are all hiding behind some crates and watching andrew be a dick on main

so yeah those lads be hidin, im just going to ignore that king and queen plotline because its just. really dumb to me. so they can watch their kingdom burn like bro they dont give a shit about this place they dont even remember it

but yeah uh. the three of them sneak onto the ship and prepare to kick ass and take names, eugene and rapunzel dont even bother going after andrew because hugo looks pissed as hell and they dont want to be on his bad side atm thank you <333\. instead they're both dealing with the other saporians. they get tied up and dumped off the ship easy enough, while hugo literally has to be held back from beating andrew to death

fun fact about hugo: the only god damn reason andrew isnt dead yet is because he's been using varian as a god damn shield, but the man is alone now >:)

rapunzel's like: hey!! wait!! murder is bad and we need to deal with these explosives. so hugo punches andrew hard enough he falls over the edge of the ship and he lands in a barrel

sadly, he lives, but thats just more time for him to rot in prison so im considering that a win

so plot goes same as canon, shockingly similar, because you know eugene and rapunzel weren't exactly expecting hugo to suggest self sacrifice but apparently he does feel p bad for all that bullshit he did. they're like no self sacrifice is also bad hugo and they refuse to leave the ship, so the three of them deal with the bomb and rapunzel's hair makse sure they're all ok

he didnt really see anything wrong with what they did, but he does see how much varian regrets it, like,,,, way too much so he feels guilty about making varian stoop down to his level. which i mean is bullshit but so is thinking blowing yourself up is a good redemption arc so both him and varian are kinda dumb like that

so they're all good, they get blown off the ship but they're alright. rapunzel and eugene go to pick up the saporians and dump em in jail while hugo makes a beeline straight for where varian is because ahahahaha we've been a part for way too long and im worried

but yeah anyways hugo makes a mad dash for the prisons while they're rounding the saporians up, lance goes ahead and steps away when he gets there, letting him hug varian. hugo realizes he's asleep again, laughs, and asks lance if he can help take him over to the infirmary to get stuff to deal with his injuries. lance is like yes please im concerned for his wellbeing and the two of them make there way over there and deal with that

finally varian is getting the medical attention he so desperately needs,,,

after the saporians are dealt with eugene and rapunzel eventually find the three of them there. 

"So, I'm assuming its back to jail for us." Hugo syays once he hears them walking in, still cleaning off varian's shoulder. "Just be sure to put us in the same cell this time. We've got no reason to want to break out, the only reason we did was because we were apart." 

"You're not going back to jail." Rapunzel says softly. "You helped a lot today, and we still need you to help with the king and queen's memories."

"So you're just going to dump us there after we fix all your problems." 

"No! No I'm pardoning you."

"Oh. Huh. That's...unexpected." Hugo pauses for a moment before going back to what he was doing. 

"Consider it my form of an apology. You um...did have a point there." 

Hugo huffed and muttered something along the lines of 'damn right i did'.

Eugene pulls her away and quietly asks if she thinks this is a good idea, you know, Hugo hasn't exactly shown any signs of not wanting to break the law, varian, maybe, but not hugo. rapunzel insists this is the right thing, yet again pushing that whole 'we need them' narrative because she may be getting better but she still kind of sucks. Lance pulls them both out of the room when varian finally wakes up because, and i quote, the gays need room

"Hugh?" Varian tilts his head, slowly opening his eyes. Hugo smiles. 

"Hey Goggles, how are ya feeling?" 

"Blegh, you?"

"I think I'm doing alright, beating the shit out of andrew healed any wounds I may have." 

"Pfft." Varian leans his head onto Hugo's chest. "I'm glad all that's over." 

Hugo wraps his arms around him. "Yeah. Good news, we're not going to jail." 

"Wait really?" 

"Yup! The princess decided to be not the worst for once, which is cool."

"Ha, nice." Varian sighs and looks up at him. "So what do we do now?"

"I guess we'll go back to trying to save your father, there's got to be something we missed. And uh..." Hugo rubbed the back of his neck. "We need to help with the whole memory thing."

"Oh. " Varian frowns. "Alright."

"Are you sure you're alright?" Hugo asks, watching him fidget with his hands. "Don't worry freckles, me and ari will kick the king's ass before he can do anything--" 

"I like you." 

"...what.” 

"I um..." Varian felt immediate regret, choking on his words slightly. "I-- I um...I like you. As more than a friend." 

"oh." Hugo blinked. "Oh."

"Sorry, sorry that was...really sudden, it was stupid, I'm being stupid you-- you can just ignore it." 

"No, you're-- you're not being stupid." Hugo says on reflex, then realizes he should probably actually respond. "I um...I like you to." Gods this really is stupid. Real smooth Hugo 

"Oh." Varian, blinks. "So..." 

"So?" 

"What now?" 

raps in the bg listening in on their conversation facepalming on loop the entire time

"We could um... we could--" 

"Yeah?" Varian leans in closer, their faces only a few inches apart. 

"Well-- well I was thinking we could maybe--" "Kiss?" Hugo nods. "I mean, that's-- that's what people do when they confess right? Teary love confessions followed by making out right? Not-- not that I'm saying we should make out, I mean, unless you wanted to do that-- but not if you didn't, do you-- do you want to kiss, it's ok if you don't--" 

Varian wrapped his arms around hugo's neck, pulled him close, and kissed him. "You talk too much." 

"Y-yeah. Sorry about that." 

Varian kisses him again. "It's fine, I think it's cute." 

"Oh! O-oh that's...neat." Hugo mentally cursed himself, this was quite possibly the stupidest he'd ever been in his life, and Varian only seemed to smile more each time he opened his stupid mouth. 

Varian laughed. "Yeah, sure."

"So, making out, huh?" Varian joked, kissing him between pauses.

"mhm!" Hugo manages to get out, his voice squeaking slightly. "Yeah that would be great." 

"Yeah?" Varian kissed him again, deeper, longer this time, before pulling away. 

"Yup." 

"Ok." 

and then they make out for the next 20 minutes while the other three give up and walk away im not writing it because i dont know how to write romance

Varian pulled Hugo closer, relishing the feeling of their lips pressing together finally. He'd wanted this for so long and now that he had it.... Varian really didn't know how he'd lived without it. Hugo was everything to him and he never wanted to let him go. 

He internally squealed when he felt Hugo’s hands wrapping around his waist and the blond pressed in deeper. They moved their lips together happily, going slow at first before they paused for a second. Then they were kissing again, deeper, faster. Soon Varian was being pressed against a wall, but despite the heat, the way Hugo did it was gentle in mind of his still injured shoulder. Varian's heart fluttered. 

Then Hugo's lips had left his and were now pressed to his neck. Varian sucked in a breath, hands curling into Hugo’s hair as the blond kissed his neck gently. When he pulled away, resting his forehead against Varian's, they were both breathing heavily. 

"Hugo?" 

"Yes?" 

Varian's heart beat a little faster. 

"I love you." 

Hugo let out a soft laugh. 

"I love you too."

-drabble from a friend

so after some hot steamy varigo makeouts rapunzel tells them she's actually going to not be a dick and help them with varian's father. i like literally nothing about that reunion scene but idk how to change it really so ill just shift the dialogue to where varian said literally anything but you didnt give upon me, im not giving up on you because BULLSHIT. actually wait. varian tries talking to her, hugo just wacks her upside the head and she snaps out of it

father son reunion time, varian pulls his dad into that adorable fucking hug god i can already here those stupid trumpets blaring in my head that was such a stupid transition and Quirin actually does tell him what was on the note, apologizes for keeping things from him. Varian's like yeah lol ur about to be in for a treat because ive got a list of crimes long enough to beat rapunzel's hair and also a boyfriend so

rapunzel hangs back and lets him explain everything to his father, hugo steps in and makes sure quirin realizes the hand he played in varian comitting crimes, while varian makes sure quirin realizes how hugo's the only reason he's still alive. after they're finished quirin stays silent for a moment, smiles, and hugs the both of them. he loves his boy and he's just happy he had someone to protect him. also him and rapunzel gonna have a chat

like deadass they make their way back to the capital and while varian and hugo are walking in front doing their weird flirting thing quirin very calmly and quietly tells her to essentially go fuck herself

alright now what am i going to do about the king and queen's memories....hmmmmmmm

you know that cure they established in rapunzel day one that they completely ignored? lets go with that. since they both worked with saporians for a hot minute they do get their hands on that book with the ingredients and start working on that cure.

they do manage to make it though, and rapunzel only has to function as acting queen for like a week or so technically they could have finished it in two days but hugo and varian were kind of procrastinating because they were spooked about the king.

they do finish it, give it to rapunzel, she so foolishly suggests that they stay instead of letting them run for the hills. freddy immediately reacts with violence the second he gets his memory back, but this time rapunzel is on ari's side instead of his so the two of them do manage to get him to stfu and have a snickers

arianna's like love you stupid gays so much im glad you're both doing well for yourselves and hugo's like hey your husband sucks how do you feel about women who stab people and she glances over to freddy and is like hmmm i feel pretty good and he's like great youd love my mom /hj

deadass tho after all this goes down arianna and fred have a Serious Talk about their relationship and eventually she does decide to split from him. also i never really wrote donella in so im going to say hugo was writing her letters during s1, stopped during s2, and then wrote another one explaining the situation post-RR

she shows up at quirin's house like FUCKING HELL WHY DID YOU KIDNAP MY SON, sees arianna in there sipping a cup of tea, winks, and is all you, me, kicking ass, taking names and hugo's like yessss new mom but also ewwww mom dont flirt with mom thats gross

she originally planned to pick him up and take him back with her but hugo insists he should stay, he likes the life he's got now, less crime, more found family, 10/10. donella's actually kind of shocked, but i mean sure kid if you really want to be gay and not do crime then have fun. arianna however misses adventure, so she convinces donella to let her go with her and they ride off into the sunset and visit once a month

so yeah hugo has two moms and a father in law and he's doing great. rapunzel has that searching competition but hugo and varian are treated as one person so they dont get separated and hugo spends the whole time groaning and complaining about xavier not shutting up

ok ok so yes i like that idea, lets go with that, but rapunzel never said teams couldn't band together, so its varigo, xavier, and faith all teamed up

also all three of them knew this was a trap because legend knowledge from xavier and being able to read saporian for hugo and varian. they clue faith in on it and happily watch everyone else scramble to deal with the curse from the sidelines

one of the skeletons attacks him and he says that line and hugo responds by calling him a dork(affectionate) and punches the skeletons face off

also hugo thinks that kiera and catalina are neat because thief solidarity and the fact that one of them can turn into a raging monster. so the friendgroup is basically four feral kids and one(1) sane person keeping them out of trouble

ok ok so caught up to where i was with the first ramble, take everything i wrote about BVA as canon for this

WAIT I HAD A DREAM ABOUT THIS A WHILE BACK

so um. I dont remember why but hugo was there during BVA

and it was him, varian, and rapunzel going to deal with the red rocks. And varian is just. An absolute fucking disaster

Nervous muttering, random jumping and latching onto hugo, hugo both finds the panicked squeaking adorable and concerning because aw cute squeal noise but also babe no your trauma

Then a trap gets activated while they’re down there and varian falls in, rapunzel pulls him back up and hugo hugs him real tight, looking him over and asking if he’s alright. He seems... a little too worried. When they get up and walk again Varian notices how hugo doesnt let go of his hand, how its shaking slightly, how tightly he’s holding onto it

Anytime they run into something that could maybe, possibly be seen as a trap hugo jumps in front of varian and makes sure he’s ok. The ceiling would crumble and fall besides them, only a little and hugo would shove varian out of the way. Needless to say it was confusing both varian and rapunzel

They get to the demanitus chamber, start to figure things out. the solution doesnt work on the red rocks so rapunzel suggests they try it on the black rock...all the way up a mountain of red ones.

Both of them are reluctant, but they bite down that concern and go with it. They’re halfway up when varian jumps at one of the things he’s seeing and falls over the edge

Rapunzel acts fast, wrapping her hair around his waist and tugging him back up. Hugo grabs onto him, untying him and hugging him tight, his entire body is shaking at this point. Varian tells him he’s fine, rapunzel’s caught him so many times its a reflex, he glances down and sees the red climbing up hugo’s leg

“Hugh?” Varian says in a whisper. Hugo’s hands are still gripping tightly onto his back as if he’s afraid to let go. “Hey, hugo, I’m ok, really.”

“For now!” He says suddenly, loudly, making both rapunzel and varian jump. “You— you always are the first one to get hurt. You throw yourself into danger all the time and you might not come back!” 

Varian stays silent, slowly reach his arms up to return his hug, tracing circles onto hugo’s back. 

“Please, Goggles I can’t lose you.”

Varian hugs him tighter. “You’re not going to lose me. I’m sorry I keep being an idiot and getting myself in trouble.” 

“What if you don’t have anyone to get you out of it?” The red trails further up his leg, reaching his lower back. 

“I don’t think you’d leave me alone long enough for that to happen.” Varian laughs nervously, pretending not to notice the red forming on his hands gloves.

“Damn right I wouldn’t.” The red goes down again, slowly. 

Rapunzel gently places a hand on Hugo’s shoulder. “It’s hard, being the one to protect everyone. You think if you’re not there to help, they’ll die.” 

Varian glares up at her, as if to ask her what the hell she’s doing, but seeing the expression on her face, he says nothing. 

“I think it helps knowing they can protect themselves too, and they can protect you. You don’t always have to put on a brave face for people.”

Hugo holds Varian tighter, if that were even possible. Rapunzel lifts her hand from his shoulder. 

Varian glares at her again, though his face softens when he looks back at hugo. “I’m going to be ok, love. I just need to stop sprinting headfirst into danger all the time. I know I’m not invincible.” 

“Please, gods stop running into fire.” Hugo lets out a wet laugh. “I don’t know how much longer I can take it. I hate seeing you hurt yourself, even if its for other people. I just want you to be selfish for once, put your own life first instead of sacrificing it on a whim.”

“I know.” Varian sighs. “I know, hugh.” 

“No more selfless bullshit?” He asks, the red slowly fading away. Varian laughs.

“No more selfless bullshit.” “You know I’ll hold you to that. I’ll invest in a spray bottle, you’ll end up soaked in less than an hour.” 

Varian snorts. “Do I really do this that often?” 

“It’s your trademark.”

Hugo slowly starts to let him go, standing up straighter. “I don’t want you to use the serum. I know you can barely stand to look at it.” 

“What? Why can’t he—“ Rapunzel starts to say. 

“It’s the amber, your highness.” Hugo glares at her, red fully faded. “I’d rather not have him use it again.”

“Oh.” She takes a step back. 

“Hugo I’m fine, I can do this. I have to—“ 

“You have to make yourself suffer? No. I’m perfectly capable of climbing up there myself and doing it, in fact, I’m better at climbing than you. Hand it over.” 

Varian opens his mouth to argue, shuts it, then reaches for the solution in his bag. Hugo puts his hand over Varian’s and takes the bag from him before he can reach inside.

“Rapunzel, you to head down. I’ll meet you there when I’m done.” 

“But I can help—“ 

“You’ve helped plenty, now go.” Hugo starts climbing before she can say anything against it. 

She attempts to climb as well, but varian grabs her wrist before she can reach for one of the rocks. “Come on, there’s not much we can do here anyway.”

Hugo starts the climb up from where they were, now that he didnt have to worry about Varian falling, he’s able to go a lot faster, practically zipping up the mountain of rocks to get to the top. varian also highkey finds it pretty hot haha athletic boy go brrrr 

He takes the serum from Varian’s bag, staring down at it with disdain before he dumps its contents on the black rock and starts his treck down the mountain

He goes faster than he probably should, his legs hurt from hopping down rock to rock, higher than he should. But hearing the crackling sound of the amber forming behind him, he thought the pain was worth it. 

He hits the ground with a thud and races over to Varian, who’s staring up at the amber with glassy, watery eyes. 

Hugo holds his face, brushing his hair back with his hands. “Hey, hey look at me. Don’t look at that, look at me.” 

Varian opens his mouth to say something, but he couldn’t seem to get anything out. Hugo brought him in closer, gently pulling Varian’s face away from the amber. 

“Hey, you’re ok, you’re dad’s ok. Just focus on me right now. Just look at me.”

Varian presses his head into Hugo’s chest. “Thank you.” He manages to get out, though Hugo can tell he’s forcing himself to talk. “I— i don’t think I could have done that.” 

“That’s why you’ve got me. You don’t have to do everything yourself.” Hugo pressed a kiss on top of Varian’s head. “I’ll be here.”

So anyways rapunzel spends the rest of the trip sketching that scene in her notebook and hugo and varian spend the day cuddling in their bed

so,,, now we're on to cassandra's revenge

varian and hugo are in willful isolation tagteaming translating the scroll, rapunzel pops in and asks if they want to vibe at eugene's birthday and take a break and they deadass say ew no fuck him and choose to keep working. 

cass shows up at the party, rapunzel goes down again to check on them and the scroll, and they explain what theyve got translated so farcass shows up, kicks ass, takes names, and when everyone's separated and she has the scroll, she knocks both hugo and varian out and takes the two of them away. yet again rapunzel is more worried about the scroll and eugene's birthday than the kidnapped kids 

so once they're both awake cassandra's like aight one of you tell me the incantation or ill stab you and hugo is...literally the worst hostage ever and decides verbally kicking her ass is a good idea

Cassandra shuts him up by sending a spike next to his arm, leaving a solid cut. "Fine then, don't tell me. Maybe he will." 

She sends another rock, this time next to his leg, cutting through the side of it again. Hugo gasps and clenches his jaw shut, he's dealt with similar shit, prison being a bitch and all, and he knows expressing pain is just going to make things worse here. 

"Wait! Wait, please don't hurt him." Varian begs, wishing desperately he could have been tied up closer to him. 

"I'll only stop if you tell me the incantation." 

"It's fine, goggles. it's not as bad as it looks. she's a psycho and id rather not have her able to control these things more than she already can." Hugo smiles. "Besides, you can't kill me, I'm not much use to you dead."

"Maybe not, but that doesn't mean I can't get close." 

she sends a blunt rock at his stomach, a spike to his arm, another spike through his calf. Hugo bites down on his lip hard enough to draw blood, trying his damndest to avoid screaming. A spike goes through his shoulder, and he can't hold back anymore. 

"Hugo! Cassandra please you don't have to do this!" 

"I do, I need that incantation, and you're going to give it to me. If you don't," She sends a blunt rock slowly to the injury on his shoulder, pressing down on it hard. "Things will just keep getting worse for him."

The rock presses further, Hugo starts to scream again, volume slowly increasing the further it pressed in, gasps and wheezes in between. A small crack could be heard, only making him scream louder.

"I'll tell you! I'll tell you just please leave him alone!" 

Cassandra smiles and retracts the rock. "Good."

so yeah varian slowly tells her the incantation, word be word, he's unsure about it, letting her have this information, but he can't see hugo get hurt any worse, not when he can stop it. Cassandra smiles wider, once he's finished, staring down at the incantation she'd written down and reciting it. the two watch as cassandra creates a fortress out of the black rocks, high, twisting pillars off of a tower built from the ruins of another.

Cassandra turns around and unties their restraints, watching varian sprint over to hugo, slip hugo's arm around his shoulder and helping him up. She tells him to folllow her. 

"Why? You don't need us anymore, just let us go, please." Varian begs. 

"You're still bait. I need to make sure the princess will be here. Start following, don't think about running away. I don't need you alive anymore." 

Varian's eyes go wide, he nods, and starts following her, holding tightly on to hugo and leading him up the steps as they made their way to the top of the tower.

"Who is she talking to?" Varian whispered to hugo, watching cassandra talk to thin air. 

"I think she's finally lost it." 

Cassandra glared back at them, then continued talking. Once they made it to the top, Varian set Hugo down, leaning him against one of the walls and sitting next to him, checking him over.

Varian makes sure Hugo's ok first, taking the medical supplies from his bag(he always kept some on hand, call it paranoia, but he was glad he did), and making sure he was patched up. Hugo fell asleep a few minutes in, head lolling to this side as varian cleaned the blood off of him. 

"You didn't have to do this, you know." Varian says as he wraps a bandage around Hugo's leg. "I still don't understand why you have to in the first place."

"I have to, it's my destiny." 

"Destiny?" Varian barked out a laugh. "What sorry excuse is that? Destiny. Do you think you're destined to be an ass for the rest of your life." 

"Like you would know anything about it. Knowing you, you'd back out the second things got difficult and go right back to the princess, considering that is what you did." 

Varian scoffed. "I never backed out. I decided hurting other people wasn't worth it, I put other people before myself. I know it's a foreign concept to you, but to most of us, torture isn't exactly just a means to an end."

"It worked though, didn't it? What else would have gotten that incantation?" 

"Why do you need it? To hurt people? To kill the princess? is that your end goal here? Because I understand she's kind of a dick, but I don't think that's worth killing her over." 

Cassandra huffed. "You don't know what she's done to me." 

"No. I don't. But I doubt you ended up worse off than I am." 

"So what if she didn't want to be friends with you anymore, you were a criminal, you drugged the castle, why would anyone trust you after that?" 

"First of all, the drugging thing was Hugo, I never condoned that. Second of all, that is quite literally the most biased and lighthearted way of putting it."

"What exactly are you trying to get at here? You don't know why I'm doing this, you don't know anything about this, don't just assume I don't have a reason just because I haven't said it." 

"Oh, because you were so quick to hear my side of the story instead of sending an armed guard when we took the sundrop." Varian rolled his eyes. "I never once went after you. I left you out of this. I only ever attacked you after you attacked me, I haven't done anything to you! Neither of us have done anything to you, we have a right to know why you think any of this is ok!" 

"Enough!" Cassandra sent several blunt rocks into his torso, throwing him across the room and slamming him into a wall. 

He gasped, coughing and holding his stomach as he made his way back to Hugo. Cassandra closed her hands on top of eachother, black rocks intertwining around them both until they were trapped inside a cage made of the rocks. She stepped in front of it and leaned down. 

"You're going to stay in there until the princess comes, I'm tired of dealing with your bullshit." She motioned her hand away, sending the cage out the window, far from the tower, keeping it attached by a small narrow path.

Varian takes in a shaking breath and holds onto hugo, wrapping his arms gently around him and shutting his eyes tight, he'd always been afraid of heights. He hid his face in hugo's chest, listening to the sound of his breathing to calm himself down, and slowly drifting off to sleep.

Clown bitch baby shows up in his dreams and causes wacky hijinks

He wakes up with a start, jumping up from where he slept and gasping for air. Hugo stirred at the sudden movement, groaning and blinking his eyes open. 

"Goggles...? What happened?" Hugo looked around slowly. "Oh god what did you do?" 

Varian sucked in a breath. "Oh, I don't know, doing my best Hugo impression and pissing her off." 

"You're holding your stomach." Hugo pointed out, glancing down at the arm Varian had wrapped around his torso. 

"I'm fine."

Hugo frowned. "Doubtful." 

"I'm...doing better than you." 

"Not hard to be." Hugo hissed when he tried to move, resigning himself to stay put. "Fuck." 

Varian pressed a kiss onto his forehead and sighed. "Sorry, I did the best I could. I'm not exactly a medical professional." 

"You did fine, love." Hugo gave a weak smile. 

Varian smiled back, then started going through his bag, searching for something.

"What're ya lookin for?" Hugo asked, tilting his head as varian rummaged through his stuff. 

He pulled the scroll from his bag, letting out a sigh of relief to see it was still there, then started looking inside again. 

"I repeat, what are you looking for?" 

"A glass, something to reflect light." 

"Why?" 

"I figured out how to read the final incantation. You know how we couldnt read the third until it was pitch black? It's the opposite here. I need a steady stream of light."

"Varian you genius, I could kiss you right here and now." 

Varian pulled him forward slightly, kissing him. "There, now let's figure out this stupid piece of paper."

so the two of them figure out how to translate the final incantation, raps and co make their way up to the tower, wacky hijinks that fuck with the established tone ensue, they get in, split up, and when rapunzel and eugene get to the top, she sends eugene to go make sure the two of them are ok.

Eugene slowly but surely makes his way over to them, and is Very Much Concerned to see the state the two are in once he gets there. Hugo's leaning against the edge, bandages wrapped around all over him, barely managing to stay awake, Varian's keeping a tight grip around his torso, looking as though he's about to throw up. 

"Why is it that everytime I see you two one of you is severely injured?" 

They jump at the sudden noise, then relax. 

"Oh um. Hey Eugene, good to see you." Varian says nervously, throwing his pen down once he finished translating, high fiving Hugo after he was done. 

"What's that?" 

"The final incantation. We just have to get this to Rapunzel, and we might stand a chance." 

The exit slammed shut. 

Hugo groaned. "Great, we're doomed."

So the three of them are just chillin out in that dumb rock cage while cass and rapunzel do their weird flirt fighting where rapunzel keep 'trying to get through to her.' eventually cassandra decides to let the dudes in, you know to incite her to fight. eugene suffering time because the crew at least knows what we want in that department

Varian gives rapunzel the incantation, rapunzel goes god mode, the two duke it out, the blast lowkey sends them all flying, except this time varian doesnt fall off the damn tower to his death. Hugo, still very much injured, grabs him before he can, the two hold onto eachother and keep a good grip on the ground until the fight is over

the fight ends, cassandra falls over the edge, eugene simps for rapunzel. Neither of them let go of eachother, at first, they only let go when Eugene walks up to help them up. Rapunzel sees how injured the two of them are, she's worried, but glad they patched themselves up, at least a little. Varian helps Hugo back down the tower, letting the man lean on him and keeping an arm tight around his waist. they run into lance and the girls on the way down, and the two complain about how lance kept taking them in the wrong directions while lance frets over their injuries like the fucking mom friend he is

so im not sure exactly what to do for the rest of the au if im being honest,,,,

like. can they please just run away and not deal with the mains' bullshit because that would be very sexy of them

**Author's Note:**

> love these stupid gay boys send tweet


End file.
